Jesters Ultimate

The Team:
Medic,
G-Mac,
Myself,
Crabs,
Slut,
4 Fingers,
Cracker Legs,
Lil Chris,
Donut,
Wong and
wait no just those 10.
Day two saw the arrival of Rob from 'the upper echelons/epilogs/epilons of the clouds'-i dunno.
Il dive straight into the tournament and ignore the fact that the Rondo-Crab mix offended Matt more than macdonalds offends Wong. We arrived at the venue, rocked out to some lazy town tunes and got ourselves accredited. this came with some fancy lanyards and a competitor badge type thing. Everyone phoned their mum about having their names in a brochure realised that laying out was actually called going ho and had some giggles as we made our way down to the pitches where wed make our stand against the best teams in the UK. We planted ourselves down, mangoed up, hugged some old jester called thierry and prepared ourselves for the first game against UCL.

Jesters 10- UCL 11
The score might suggest that this game was even...it was not. We sucked for 90% of the game time. Turns out the game time was in excess of 100 minutes however so that should give you an indication of how well 10 jesters performed in the remaining 10. I apologise because my memory is hazy at best when it comes to this tournament but for some reason this one point stands out in my mind. For those of you that wernt there it has been called the best point in Jesters history. Its memory will live on longer than the universe point against ow and it will be re told to children for millenniums to come. The disc falls to me after UCL scored the first point upwind fairly easily and took the advantage. I look around realising that there was only one man for this job. I popped the disc up for Gregory Mackenzie. Some know him as G-mac, some greg, but it doesnt matter. Number 7 held the disc waiting for his moment to strike, the cut was made (the cutter was unimportant but lets assume it was Lil Chris) greg sprung into action and threw a momentous upwind sidearm huck with pinpoint accuracy to his man. The crowd roared and the legend was born. Then we played shit for about 30 minutes with cutters forgetting how to catch, medic forgetting how to throw and generally a shambles all round. Medic refused to allow himself to turn the disc so with each throw away came a Charlton style lay out to get us the disc back. The horn went but our determination did not waver. We were tired, we had few subs, we were going up wind, it was going to be tough. Outdoor Captain talked energy into us and every jester silently pledged that he would not turn that disc. Shit went down with some ridiculously hot d and some silky disc skills. Every fresh to jesters player earning their right to be at the tournament and every experienced player flashing their skills in the face of one of London's greatest teams. Alas, it was not enough. UCL were skilled players and the thought of losing 7 points in a row pushed them. It was down wind, we were exhausted and the game ended after 105(?) minutes of amazing ultimate. So we got a nice break in preparation for our game against the first seed and we managed to recover loads. Orrrr we had to jog over to the next pitch players hobbling, some people were crying (donut) and straight onto the pitch against Skunks.

Jesters-5(?) Skunks 13? I was unable to play for the first few points against skunks and that seemed to be no bad thing. The Jesters on the pitch worked the disc around nicely and scored some points much to the annoyance of the first seed. Our tiredness began to show, they had an O line and D line, i for one couldnt walk in a straight line. We kept pushing it, clearly pissing off a team of very bad spirited players. With the exception of one of my good friends Ed the team pretty much called everything. Even faked injuries and then carried on! ummmm NO! Its worth mentioning that they also argued about who would mark Cracker, that bitch is too fast. Towards the end i spotted UCL on the hill who had come to cheer us on. They warned skunks that we were prone to ridiculously hot comebacks but in the end they won by quite a large margin. We got a break after 2 and half straight hours of ultimate and sat on the hill to check out the competition that Sheffield Hallam would be offering. We chowed down on the extra free pack lunches and all bitches about lucozade lite. i quite liked it. Some idiot picked to sit at the top of the hill though and it got too cold. We bopped around for a little longer and then got ready for the next game.

Jesters-Hallam- Basically we got one more point that they did in the cap (dont know the score) They were rubbish. I dont even remember much because they were that rubbish. They just sort of chucked tiny little passes to each other and then bombed it to someone when they panicked. Their spirit wasnt all that apart from the pirates of the caribbean guy. Turned out to prove me wrong after i said that i was going to rape his children. Go figure. Anyway the horn went and we won. Game over. Handlers took the piss out of their rubbishio chase and our cutters made short work of their D when we started using up the rest of our energy supply. I feel i should mention that Lil Chris rescued my horrific disc and scored the final point. He scored most points. YAY Jesters got to fight for the top 8 by playing Trinity in a crossover.

Jesters-2(?) Trinity- Awesome Ok so its not a real score line but it was one of the most surreal games i have ever played. The wind picked up, we could barely run and they were so good. They played 4 handlers and scored upwind downwind cross wind...it didnt matter to them. They were tremendously well spirited applauding ridiculous over powered chicken wings and crabs that can fly. g-mac ended up battling against the irish lay out tank and having been embrassed once he didnt let it happen again with some serious good effort. Its been mentioned a second ago but its definitely worth noting that crabs skied said lay out tank along with another guy and maybe the moon. It was hard to tell. So pressure mounted and medic called pick "what, im sorry mate but that wasnt a pick i dont think" "nah im joking, but weve got to go." Trololol's were had about the fact we had to leave because bus captain wong got the horn and had to leave. Either way we had a really fun last game laughing every time the irish team made it to stall count tree. This put us somewhere in the bottom 8 (sorry i dont recall where.) So on our way home the back seat entirely cramps up. Cramps all over the place. I mocked the cramp and got the cramp. It was horrendous. We did however survive.

NO PARTY, JUST SLEEP.

We awake, we ache we make it to the bus and hail the arrival of LSD MVP Roberto Harlando. He regails us with tails of sky diving and upon arrival gets himself accredited and ready to rock. Our first game was against Picnic and our second favourite host: lemon. We wanted this game.

Jesters- 2 more than Picnic?
Picnic took the lead at the beginning and held on to it for the majority of the game. The wind had picked up and throws were becoming harder to make. Throughout it was noticable that spirit was not something that the picnic captain had in abundance. not only did he kick one of our finest point scorers but he elbowed me in the head, bowled over medic and contested like it was a 1980's american court room drama. Some sexy shit went down with Cracker and Matt proving that speed mixed with chilled out disc handling leads to points. With some long backhand puts coming from Medic we challenged them deep, Chicken wings from me and Low releases from g-mac equally challenged the break side. The most memorable thing for me in this game however was the D. The cup did a sensational job of keeping that disc at the back. The frustrated handler kept resorting to hucks up wind that would either be taken down by Sky Marshall medic or skilfully D'd by the wings. We did a dirty back door, proving that our D was tighter than their proverbial anus and won. More drugs were taken and then it was UBU time.

Jesters-won UBU didnt.
I again apologise for not remembering what the score was but all that matters is that we won. We came into this game beign pretty excited to play a team from our region that we rarely get to play. I thought freddy was playing but it turns out that im a retard and he was not. It was the other guy who i knew wasnt freddy but kept calling freddy. Yeah whatever. From memory they were up. The spirit was good with us proving to Picnic that spirit and competitiveness were not enemies. Tiredness set in again at least for me and UBU kept their lead. The wind was still strong and whilst we used this with Medic again showing off one of the best forehands in leicester and me being a bellend with Chicken Wings the still couldnt pull ahead. Mid game greg also layed out for a breakside chicken wing and everyone in Sheffield agreed that that would have been the best point ever scored ever, ever. Half time came and it was time for our Outdoor Captain to push us onto the path to victory. He, obviously, did so. We came out of the second half refuelled and gunning for it. Nothing was going to stop us and eventually we broke them up wind. Game on, we were not going to get broken again and we only needed the down wind to win it and win our chance at the plate... We got it. It is worth noting that by this point donut still hadnt dropped anything (y). We also spent a good half hour giggling and juddling on the side line. No one knows why but the scoreboard was knocked over and Captain could get a word out without someone laughing. Our last game of the tournament was the plate final. I dont know whether i was happy or not to see that it was also going to be against UCL.
Jesters- 1/2 less than UCL?

The wind was set against us and our minds were set on the silverware. It was time to see how we would do against the team that we had almost stolen victory from. The first point went extremely well with an unfortunate drop meaning we didnt get the break. They scored down win and this set the tone for the game. The downwind points were being scored eventually by both teams. Oddly they threw a zone on us even when we were going down wind and in truth after we realised hammers downwind dont work all that well we started scoring fairly easily. Every player would get a touch on the disc before we eventually scored. We had a few more close shots at getting the up wind point but alas we did not get it. The game carried on with them being up and us scrambling to get the upwind point. We started cutting their zone to bits up wind with hammers going up wind and across the pitch. All of the cutters picking these discs out of the air and doing their job to keep the dream going. We ended up in the cap as always and they started looking stronger going up wind. Thankfully we have players like Rob who lay out of the cup to point d a guy !"?1/!?!? yeah i know. I dont even think it was his only one but yeah, shit got awesome. We took up the gauntlet every upwind point in that cap, knowing that another turn would cost us the game. We pass the disc around as much as we could with short passes up wind. Each pass was inextricably linked to the burden of not turning over and not throwing away. Alas, we did and they worked it to our end zone and dropped it. We had another chance! I picked up the disc and tried to swing it to greg who was not all that far away. It went high and after a failed grab the disc was tipped further into the air. We had turned agian, and they scored, again. The game was UCL's. The Jesters dream of getting silverware was over but it turned out there wasnt any so we just had a nice photo with the amazing team that was UCL and patted ourselves on the back. Outdoor Captain was beaming and no doubt proud of the team.
We walked away from that tournament, battered, bruised, tired, aching, broken, injured and with smiles on our faces. The men in mango made it to nationals. Far fewer went and not one of them ever gave up the fight. Acclaimed report writer and indoor captain Greg often compares jesters to a car with gears. We can often be accused of not reaching top gear but not at this tournament. When it counted every player stepped up, did their job and then some. Proving that not only are Jesters capable of beating some of the best teams in the country but they are capable of doing it in style with a smile, juddling all the while. Till next year. Rondo out. x